lundi, mars 13, 2006

The New Negress

If this show is half as good as the Sa-Ra show it will be worth the Thursday morning lethargy.

Not much else to report. I got a little overwhelmed this morning and it made me want to bid adieu to anxiety, again, once and for all. "Overjoyed" is the new negress national anthem. The motto. No more drowned world.

I encouraged an artist friend to attend a free introductory session of my women's writing workshop. She hustled her way there after work but reported back that is was blah which shocked me. Many friends, like me repeated registrants of the weekly workshop, love it but for her the short exercises didn't prompt the type of writing she wants to produce, slam poetry ("sha clack clack!"). When she told me this I thought you (not a prompt) create the type of writing you want but I didn't say anything. I started to explain how I rarely produce any conventional narratives in the class but stopped. The conversation reminded me of my writing: disjointed, percussive, and increasingly non-sensical. I relish that. I celebrate my developing perfection inhibitors. I write what comes with as little intervention as possible. It is, as our instructor says, about flow. I didn't enter the workshop seeking to develop a product; I was looking for an outlet/an energy and I found it in the space of a supportive sister circle. My friend, on the other hand, is looking to produce slam poetry. She is looking for an instructive means to a concrete end. Different strokes for different folks.

It's funny; I don't know why I am so aghast at her indifference towards what has proven a Godsend for me. I am very clear on how people/places/things can rub other things/places/people (friends even) different ways. I'm a poster child for people who dislike their friends friends. I never was one for cliques or crews though I rolled with my share. They are incredibly comforting (they buffer you from yourself and the maddening crowds) but weighty. They require false affinities. At least I think so. I like who I like and they don't have to like each other or be similar or have anything in fucking common with me or my loved ones. Matter of fact a major annoyance is people wanting to connect with me cause we have something or someone in common. Who the fuck cares! Friendship is about energetic connection not biographical symmetry. I am kind and open and polite but so not interested in knowing people 'cause we like the same band or are from the N.W. or used to live in Asia or have gaps between our teeths or round bellies or mothers from foreign and daddy's that sometime dislike us. It's wierd 'cause while I stick by my ethos I can see how it trips me up and my aversion for superficial connections makes me too averse to people, especially those who may like doing the things that I like to do which has me often feeling like I have great great friends but few, how does Friendster put it, "Activity Partners." Genius. "Activity Partner" is the best term created in the 00's. The best word of the 90's was "pyroerotic" coined by yours truly freshman year in the comforts of my A/C'ed dorm LLCI, Rm. 213 while surrounded by an amazing cast of characters I came of age with. A crew of the first order. An exception to the rule I just layed down in 8 point Arial. But that's then and this is now.

I'll pray for you and that's not incumbent on whether you pray for me but that would be nice.