BWEtv is killing me. Alex Blagg on what will transpire when he finally gets a hold of the final Harry Potter book:
I place the book upon my bed with the gentleness and sensitivity of a doctor nursing the wounded, and move to the stereo to select the appropriate music to set the mood for this intimate encounter. I select Silk's 1992 R&B classic Lose Control, and the first notes of "Freak Me" set a smooth, seductive tone for the lovemaking that is about to take place. After lighting a few candles, and changing into my velvet robe, I join the book in bed, and stare deeply, passionately at its covers. After only a few moments of this wordless intimacy, it's clear we have no choice but to submit to the carnal desire that attracts us to each other like an electromagnetic force. The lovemaking is painful at first, likely due to the fact that I'm having sex with a book that doesn't have genitals and whose unread pages are sharp, but I remain focused and determined, and before I know it the papercut pain goes away and I lose consciousness, floating in a void of orgasmic esctasy, my thoughts and feelings replaced with a joyous euphoria that overtakes me completely.Click here to ready his fantasy in full.