There Were No Mirrors in my Nana's House

The more and more I think about it the more and more I'm committed to living in a mirror free space. Maybe committed is too strong a word; aspire might be more appropriate. On second thought, since I'm taking no steps to remove mirrors from my Ft. Greene lair, let's just say in a perfect world I would not consult those pesky mirrors on the wall.

Think about it. No mirrors on the walls ensures no fairest of us all and more importantly no tear streaked faces on the duskier end of the spectrum. Zora Neale Hurston, whose (tele)vision was attempted Sunday courtesy of three black women: Suzan Lori-Parks, Oprah and Halle 'I want you to make me feel good" Berry, wrote black women are the "mules of the world." While black men and women, specifically, and humanity, generally, wear different masks that grin and lie black women, specifically, and women, generally, bear the man-made burden of having to be beautiful.

At this moment in time I couldn't help but talk about this if I wanted to. The reasons for this I won't get into in this public space. How do women negotiate beauty, style, fashion and self-esteem. I don't know if there was ever a time when beauty and womanhood weren't inextricably linked. Kim said it was "Money, Power & Respect" in 1998, her surgically altered face tells an entirely different story in 2005.

I feel a special kinship to Lil' Kim and Mary J. Blige for that matter not because of their music but because of their forthrightness about their struggles with beauty or rather feeling beautiful. Kim said in an article that I will eventually track down that as a young woman in 'do or die' Bed Stuy she felt dark and not so lovely. In her estimation all the boys desired the Jada Pinkett-Smith types. Mary confessed in an old ESSENCE article, if my mind serves me right, that she couldn't for the life of her figure out why her current husband, Kendu Isaacs, fell for her. Apparently she had previously seen him in the company of "exotic" multiracial chicks and she, in her own words, was just a "black girl with a weave." Add to that testimony on some viacom special that that her Yonkers neighbors used to ridicule what they perceived to be her "donkey butt" and "big feet" and I know I understood why drugs and drama dominated her life for so long.

There are billions of women around the world with similar narratives and for that reason alone I don't know if banishing mirrors from my living space and that of my future flock will be enough but then again I'm just making excuses, being cynical, relinquishing control of my life to the false but oh so powerful gods of beauty, cool, celebrity, importance and hierarchy. Allowing them to reduce my existence to persistent not enoughness. To quote L, who quotes and misquotes the masses, “not the kid.”

No Mirrors In My Nana's House
by Y.M. Barnwell; Performed by Sweet Honey in the Rock

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
There were no mirrors in my Na's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
And the beauty that I saw in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).

I never knew that my skin was too black.
I never knew that my nose was too flat.
I never knew that my clothes didn't fit.
I never knew there were things that I'd missed,
cause the beauty in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun);
...was in her eyes.

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
And the beauty that I saw in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).

I was intrigued by the cracks in the walls.
I tasted, with joy, the dust that would fall.
The noise in the hallway was music to me.
The trash and the rubbish just cushioned my feet.
And the beauty in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).
...was in her eyes.

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
And the beauty that I saw in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).

The world outside was a magical place.
I only knew love.
I never knew hate,
and the beauty in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).
...was in her eyes.

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house.
And the beauty that I saw in everything
was in her eyes (like the rising of the sun).

"Chil', look deep into my eyes."
"Chil', look deep into my eyes."
"Chil'..."