Buttercup Baby

10 years ago I was on the other side of the world enjoying a life of Hob Nobs, long naps, poetry, bike rides, CDeejaying, study and mild depression. (I don't falter even in despair. Keep that Negress running.) Now I'm where I always wanted to be--the big city--it's as exhilarating as it is annihilating. I often wish I was somewhere else and I can't imagine leaving. Mucked and mired or vice versa.



An hour ago I was in Soho saying farewell for now to a member of my extended family, a city financial analyst who's been transferred to the London office of his investment bank. I was as excited for him as I was disheartened for myself. I haven't left the country since 2003. I feel the need to get away but I don't know how I can make the money or the time or if the change of scenery would fell the carrot for good.

I have always wanted what I haven't got and often got what I wanted to little satisfaction. Dr. Robin?