"Don't be afraid of your stuff."

Some sage advice from Dr. Forbes encore une fois

I was gonna make this a bare bones post. Just the vid and the quasi contextualizing statement but I am compelled to expound (sort of). I'm not really one to have people be in any part of my business and this is most certainly my greatest weakness. My hamartia. Anyway I just sidestepped an opportunity that I want. I mean really want. The door was open. I didn't even glance in its direction. And I found myself distracted in the moments after but I masked it to those around me because if there is anything that I am scared of it is appearing weak even though I am everything but infallible. I cry at the drop of a hat but hardly ever in public (except for movie theatres cause ain't no shame in that). It's wierd. At this moment I can't identify the reasons why. I only like to share my success and happiness everything else is out of bounds. So I sit with it by myself. Bogged down it. Repulsed by it but too self aware to show any signs of this turmoil on the anything goes visage.

I walked by that door and never even glanced at what lied beyond. Not 'like I didn't care';I DIDN'T CARE and this persistent indifference has been the death of me at least that which exists outside of the analytical jokey part of me. I'm thinking back to advice from dear ones from high school, college...and I think that's when it stopped cause folk probably figured I wasn't ever gonna change. I saw 16 Blocks a few weeks ago. Cried especially hard. I would say why but I don't want to spoil the ending.

I am sincerely afraid that there won't be a open window up ahead. They say God only helps those who help themselves. Could God give up on me?

In retrospect: please excuse my flair for the dramatic but note, this is NOT an apology.