Me & Ronaldo Counting Calories

A few things I'm having difficulty understanding:

Why am I not in Deutschland?
Why am I in the house on such a beautiful day?
Why do so many players from Côte d'Ivoire have perms?
Why is the goalie from Côte d'Ivoire so horrible?
Why was Trinidad and Tobago's goalie HU alum Shaka Hislop so good?
Why does Europe account for 14 of the world cup's 32 teams but only 9% of the world's population?
Why does watching der FIFA Fussball-Weltmeisterschaft make me miss my LPC mates so much?
Why is Brasil playing at 3 on a workday?

After Chelsea striker Didier Drogba scored some ESPN sportscaster said,

"A game that has been controlled by Argentina has now turned 360°..."

He should suffer the same fate as Magic "he thowed the ball" Johnson?

Anyway, with a good goalie like Hislop and some improved defenders (the Trini Sancho Brent for example) and without their mercenary coach Henri Michel, Côte d'Ivoire could be pretty effin' serious.