lundi, novembre 08, 2004

Just What Can Happen

Maybe its naivete, maybe its faith but I hold an untenable belief that I will happen- that I will be grand. Not in a Kanye West type of way, I'm infinitely less charming, and far from arrogant, but to be fair I'm probably equally as self conscious as the Louis Vuitton Don. I just believe that with this brain and these life experiences I can make it happen. "What is the 'it'?," you ask. Good f#$ing question! The "it" proceeded to "drop the top and let the sunshine in" (Kris was kind enough to explain to clarify these lyrics after her and her little sisters enjoyed a year's worth of laughter at my expense-previously I exuberantly wailed "Gotta Gotta let the sunshine in") -a seemingly good turn of events. But then it proceeded "to blow in the wind"(Jah doesn't really love the kids) which leaves me in my current predicament-early 20s purgatory.

I know I want to write. I love music. I love words. I love the satisfaction of creating something but more than that I love the exhilaration of having an audience. Anyone who knows me (none of whom will probably ever read this blog) know that I have a song lyric for every occasion including this one. An Erykah Badu song comes to mind. Remember "...& On" from Mama's Gun? I do. Let me jar your memory: "What good do your words do if they can't understand you? Don't go talking that shit-Badu, Badu!" Well, I want the world to understand me or at least the beautiful people in my life and the beautiful black women who have gone and will come. My greatest fear is disappointment and a close second is irrelevance.

My dear friend Devin (this will be her 10,003 Google hit) soon-to-be superstar shared with me that she lives her life like she's in a movie. She sees herself in action and plays out dramatic roles whether or whether not they're the best course of action. Initially I empathized with her affliction but I didn't think it could apply to me but now I think it does. I want to be a star not in the God-given sense but in the (wo)man made sense. Despite its negative connotations, I want a lush life.

Another lyric for the old school heads and my two BFF's (What up L! What Up Kris!):

Original Version circa '95

(Whutcha want Nine?) Fat beats for my rides
(So whutcha want Nine?) Mad clips for my nines
(So whutcha want Nine?) A ill posse
And my name up in lights, N-I-N-E

She Real Cool Remix Version circa 2004

(Whutcha want Jah?) Fat beats for my techs [don't sweat the technics]
(So whutcha want Jah?) Mad clips for my res [please someone hire me!]
(So whutcha want Jah?) A ill posse [already got one!]
And my name up in lights, J to tha Mu*#$@in' B!